Because I promised...

It's been awhile since I've last blogged about even the remotest happenings in my life... until now that is. I told my good buddy that I'd start back up with blogging so she'll have something to do during her days now. (Who ever would have thought that my life would be that interesting? haha)

Anyway, it was at work today that I decided my next personal project would be to figure out a good fish dish to make for Des that doesn't include any onions or garlic... oh man... so I'm thinking.... some ginger, tomatoes... and not sure what else yet! I wonder if spicy food is off limits too....

On another note, I've been having a few completely clumsy days. This past weekend, I went to my dear friend's wedding and met a bunch of great people. On my trip back home, I went up to Ames for a friend's graduation luncheon...

...where I proceeded to tip over a huge glass of water (thank goodness no one was sitting across the table from me). When the waiter came back with our meals, I managed to flick some water (who knew that there was water on my hand???) as I was raising my hand. THEN, yesterday (Sunday) I managed to knock my elbow into my just-poured glass of water.... elbow hurt, water alllllllllll over the kitchen flour.... I swear.... if anyone ever thought I was graceful in any way, I think this weekend proves exactly how NOT graceful I am.....

What else is going on... stupid weather's making my shoulder act up a lot... so not sleeping too fantastically well.....

I went and saw Destri and Carissa this weekend, for the first time ever. You know how they say like mother, like daughter? Carissa is a DOLL. I wanted to hold her, but she's so tiny.... so I just watched Des hold her and rock her to sleep.

Got an email from Reena too.... I've missed her!

Meeting new people, making friends....

I'm in a happy place right now. :) I've got some fantastic people in my life. :)

Visiting my brother

Got into Phoenix on June 29th.

How to summarize my trip... hmmmmmmmmm.... interesting, fun, and.... entertaining.

What'd I do while I was out here?

• Stare at all the cacti and marvel over it each time,
• met my brother's good friends and hung out with them,
• let my brother drag me off to his friends' parties and remained the observant wallflower (people watching is always interesting),
• ate sushi, chinese seafood buffet, somethin'-somethin'-teja (near ASU),
• took pictures of my brother,
• went shopping like maaaaaaaaaaaaad (my poor checkbook... oh and most of the stuff we bought was NOT for me *phew*),
• played piano,
• never slept in....
  

and now I am tiiiired. I'm waiting in the airport for my flight to arrive so I can board the plane and sleep. looking forward to it too...

I kinda miss my brother already too...moron...

things that make me...

...MAD:

1. stupid shoulder
2. stupid people
3. stupid weather

...HAPPY:

1. family
2. good friends
3. good food
4. good sleep

...SAD:

1. stupid shoulder
2. waste of good food
3. like I'd really tell you (hahaha)

doctors and whatnot

Thursday I went in for my EMG test to test out what the nerve situation is in my shoulder. Two parts of the test: First, they wrap some wires around your fingers and then proceed to send shocks through different parts of your arm, causing your arm to jerk. They test the amount of time it takes the shock to travel down to your arm to make sure that it's normal.
Second, they stick a needle in different parts of your arms and ask you to push against their hand to get you to flex your muscle.

The shocking part wasn't terribly painful... just a little... shocking.

The needles... OUCH. Usually, I like to watch people when they stick me with needles (for example, when they take your blood, you just gotta watch...). But since I was laying on my back, I couldn't watch him stick the needle in. He stuck me in various spots, ranging from down in my hand all the way up through my arm, shoulder, and to the back part of my neck. I can still see the needle marks in my arm. I'm a little sore too... my doctor said that I might get internal, if not external, bruising from the needles.... and boy oh boy are they internal bc I feel like someone punched me in a couple different spots.

Conclusion from Dr. 1: The good news is that I don't have any nerve damage. My nerves are just extremely sensitive to everything and irritable right now. The not so fantastic news: I've got mild carpal tunnel in my wrist. He said it wasn't anything to really worry about, and it could be from when I landed on my hand.

Following the EMG testing, I went on to the next Doctor. He put me through a short series of motion tests. Apparently, I'm "gifted" with flexibility, meaning my shoulder can be pushed back a lot further than normal people... which is probably why it popped out the way it did when I fell. Anyway, he said that there's a possibility that the cartilage in the the back area of my rotater cuff may be slightly torn., but nothing worth doing surgery over. He said that once the structures around it (rotater cuff muscles I'm assuming) are strengthened, it should get better. How much longer? He said it would be a week by week thing... and that I would have both good days and bad days.

How do I avoid the bad days? Don't do anything that hurts.

Conclusion: two prescriptions: cortisol pills for a week, and painkillers for the bad days

Overall conclusion: I'm relieved to finally hear what's up with the shoulder because not knowing was one of the most frustrating things. I need to be more patient for a bit longer it seems. I just hate the rollercoaster ride is all.... three times I thought I was getting better, only to find myself coasting downhill each time... so hopefully from this point on, it's all uphill. I can't stand the spiral downwards anymore.... it makes me cry... and I'm not normally a crier...

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... my goal is to be well enough to go fishing this summer. Wohooo. :)

Early last week, I was telling folks that I was emotionally drained and that I didn't have the energy to cry anymore [from my shoulder]. But I spoke too soon because last Friday was an awful day. [Thank goodness my parents came this weekend... they're the best people in the world.]

I'm tired of the burning sensations and the headaches....and I'm tired of being cold because my shoulder can't take any warmth or heat without flaring up. I'm tired.

And my last physical therapy session is this Thursday. And I'm scared because I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm not better and I don't have someone to guide me through this pain and give me tips about how to be more comfortable throughout the day. Everytime I think about this Thursday being the last day, tears start to well up in my eyes and I inevitably find my cheeks wet.

I did my shoulder exercises a few minutes ago and my fingers still tingle. I wish I could push Thursday off for a few more months.. I'm not ready for my last session.

I'm so tired...

....that I can't seem to find the bag of shampoo that I just bought yesterday....(did I leave it at the salon?)
....that I thought my physical therapy was at 4p.m. today when it was actually at 7:30 a.m....(so I had to reschedule...)
....that my appetite is shot....(eating is a social thing right now... otherwise I'd rather just curl up and rest)

I wonder when I'll be back to 100%... I still can't deal with any heat/warmth against my shoulder, resulting in lack of sleep lately. It's only 9pm right now, but I think I'm ready for bed. Crazy, eh?

My feet have been dragging for a couple days though... so tired.

Goodnight :)

dagnabbit...

I missed Grey's Anatomy last night...

Oooooooooooh well. I had fun with a couple friends last night. :)

too much time...

You think you know someone...

Everyday she smiles, and the world sees her as a happy person, carefree and easygoing. Until...

someone makes her angry...

So she heads out on a mission: to assasinate an unexpecting someone. Of course no one knows her true mission...

BUT

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! She doesn't know that Destri knows!

Tee Hee!!!

(the end)

Destri's so wise and kind. Everyone needs a Des. :)

on another note, the only American Idol judge who's being honest tonight is Simon...

either that or he's the only one who can really recognize talent...

and there isn't any (talent) tonight

and witty comebacks from the contestants are never that witty... morons...

Once again, I feel the not-so-pleasant effects from my physical therapy session...

Maybe it's bc I chose not to have her tape me up today.... but I didn't want the tape bc last time, it felt like the tape was only contributing towards the pain...

The good news is that my arm isn't as shaky as before. Maybe this is the kind of sore that it's supposed to be after physical therapy.... it's not the same shooting pain....

Although.. I can feel my bone shift into the wrong spot every now and then.... not to mentioin the tingling sensation in my fingers....

I'm in such a bad mood.

Chinese Lunar New Years Day

Great day yesterday! Started out with trying to sleep in, didn't work out so well considering the shoulder wasn't having it... so I "slept in" til about 7:30 a.m. Meaning, I reluctantly crawled out of bed at that time. The next few hours of the day were spent trying to figure out what I wanted for breakfast and talking to my parents... browsed on the internet.. popped in a couple DVDs into the system... and after staring blankly at the television, fell asleep again. Woke up, and then talked to Bing for awhile! Yaaaaay. It's been so long since I've talked to him. :)

I spent the evening/night with San et al, and it was fantastic! I had so much fun. I haven't seen a lot of people in what feels like nearly forever. San, Kim, Christopher, etc. are just like family to me. :) So I don't think I could have spent my day better!

Plus, Mollie's back and it's been awhile since I've seen her. Now I have someone I can watch Thai/Thai-dubbed movies with! :)

Oh, it was such a great night! We all talked about whatnot, discussed musicians/bands for the upcoming festival, laughed a lot, caught up... etc etc.

And then there was a whole, entire hodge podge of musicians there! And they were all jamming out in the basement. From 12 yr-old to...ehm... not sure how much older (maybe middle-age?), they were singing and playing guitars and creating music... It's been so long since I've been able to just sit and listen to people strumming away. It was fantastic.

Oh, and I got three hugs last night. Good way to start the new year, right? :)

One other thing, someone asked if I wanted to sing with them sometime with their jazz band. Doesn't that sound like fun? I've never done jazz before, but I'm excited. Yaaay! :)

Yesterday morning I went into my physical therapy session feeling pretty good, and then I left feeling semi-well.

We sonogrammed my scaline muscle, which was (in theory) not supposed to affect my shoulder. (The last time we sonogrammed it, my shoulder flared up really bad.) Then we taped it up. An hour later, while I was at work, my shoulder started to feel funny... so I had to loosen the tape (with the help of a friend... can't reach where the tape starts). And then a couple hours later it started to burn again. I don't think I'm going to do the sonogram thing anymore... I think my body hates it.

Anyway, I was worn out by the end of the day... especially because I was apprehensive of what the next day (today) would bring.... because, to be honest, I'm scared of being in more pain again. The last time it flared up, it was just traumatic.

On another note, Destri sent me an email that made me chuckle. You'd never guess what her alarm clock sounds like in the morning.... hahahahahaha... Thanks, Des!!! :)

stream of conciousness

It's been a while since I last wrote... I know, I have no real excuse for not writing. Since I last wrote anything.. hmmm.. let's see.. in late November, I slipped and fell.. resulting in shoulder issues since then. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride... 2.5 months of emotionally draining moments... and plenty of pain along the way. There was a time my physical therapist and I both thought I was making progress, and then suddenly everything took a bit of a nose dive... and I found myself in excruciating pain... had a few nights of absolute despair and tears... other nights found me extremely irritable... but most nights too tired to do much of anything. Several times I tried to stay positive, put things into perspective... but it's hard to patient and positive when pain rules how you get through the day... and you can only put things into perspective so many times before you get leary of finding new ways to see the cup half full. As of this week, I've been feeling better... happier about being in less pain... hoping for the best (that I'm finally on the road to recovery), yet at the same time, knowing that it could get worse... like last time.

Good thing... we took it easy at my last physical therapy session... and today I wasn't in more pain than normal.... not like how it's been the past few weeks. I'm still popping painkillers and icing the crap out of my shoulder (to the most enjoyable feeling of cold numbness).

Anyway, I'm not blogging today to complain. Just update. See... mass emails seem to be so impersonal... blogging is probably even more impersonal, but this is for my friends... so my goal is to be a little better about keeping this puppyupdated... as I'm not always the greatest at keeping in touch as of late... especially when I know that I'll have to repeat myself to more than one person... and with my shoulder/arm acting the way it's been, I can only bear to be on my computer (sitting in one position) for so much time before I need to reposition for comfort.

Other than that... life is good. Work has been extremely busy, and I'm loving it. Sometimes it's hard to concentrate because I have to retrieve the good old ice pack and reposition and all of the above mentioned stuff, but it's okay. I've got projects to work on, and it's great. :) My boss is absolutely wonderful. She's the greatest. I love working with her. The other folks in the region are great to work with as well. I love my company. :)

I think I'm going to visit my big brother in Pheonix this year. I'm pretty excited because I haven't seen him in forever!!! It'll be great fun. I wish I could afford to go while it was still cold here... I hate this dreadful, biting, cold weather. Anyway, this is going to be a good year. :)

I'm thinking about visiting Abi this year too... we'll see what my funds allow for...

Oh and my friend Dawn is getting married in April. :) She's so great! I'm so excited for her. :) She deserves wonderful, wonderful things.

Today's Valentines Day. It's such a cute holiday. I wonder... does love change people?

altruism...

is there such a thing as an altruistic act?

i wonder...

any opinions or food for thought?

just a thought...

I was looking at one of my pictures today... of some my friends and myself seven years ago, laughing. It was right after one of the most difficult trials in my life, and I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for that moment.

Always remember the people who stand behind you during the thickets of hardship and share the joy of laughter with you.

Happy Thanksgiving! :o)

one phizat weekend :)

So... Destri came to visit me yesterday. We went to Pho 777 and ate a delicious lunch, and then proceeded to shop, shop, shop and tried on dresses and hats for fun...








So after that, we went to a party for one of my friends, and met some cool, new people.

After the party, I went to see one of my friends who I haven't seen in nearly 2.5 years! It was great to see her again... as drunky-drunk as she was, it brought back the good old days in Spain. :) She's such a great friend. :)

Got home pretty late, went to bed, woke up around 8... and have been happy since. :)

I've had an extreme craving for Olive Garden lately. However, I'm not the type of person who'll just go by myself because food just doesn't taste as good when you eat by yourself...

So yesterday, after I decided that I might as well eat something because it was 8 and I hadn't had dinner, I went to HyVee... that Olive Garden salad craving? Taken care of by purchasing some good Ceaser salad dressing. The pasta craving? Still working on that one... the good all-around Olive Garden experience? Still waiting... :)

I swear... it's as if I've been wearing a black cat around my shoulders for the past week...

They say... when it rains, it pours....

But shoot, it's like I'm a walking bad streak of of whatever it is that attracts bad luck...

I don't think I should hang out with anyone for awhile.... otherwise it'll spread....